(i love it when my dreams so clearly represent my real life anxieties)
i was in the car with a friend. she was driving us to lunch. as we rounded a corner, we were surprised by a herd of alpacas* running across the street. as we drove a few feet further, we then found ourselves surrounded by all sorts of animals (just about every kind of non-domesticated animal imaginable) running wildly to-and-fro. there were tons of them. my friend was nervous and wanted to speed out of the situation as quickly as she could. i was a bit nervous but more interested in documenting the moment with my camera. i convinced her to slow down as i cracked the passenger window and tried to take non-blurred photos from a moving vehicle.
as i snapped pictures, i watched as a double decker bus cut through a field. on the side of the bus was a large banner that read: Ringling Bros. Circus. the bus was packed with people on both levels and it quickly became apparent to me that the animals broke free from the circus and that the employees and visitors were trying to escape harm. the double decker wasn't much of a getaway, however, as it could only go about 15 miles an hour and the sides consisted of nothing more than railings. none of the animals seemed terribly threatening, though. just a bit wild and out-of-hand with their new found freedom. i did catch a glimpse of a lioness attempting to attack an alpaca, but it didn't appear that she was trying all that hard as the alpaca easily dogged and ran.
the most amusing part of the dream was watching an orangutan guard the top level of the bus. animals were trying to climb and jump to the top level and the people were screaming and running to the center. the orangutan would either elbow the various animals off or catch them and throw them back to the ground.
*i never even knew what an alpaca was until i came across this the other day.
Showing posts with label nervous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nervous. Show all posts
Friday, August 7, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
swimming contest
The setting for this dream was the default group/institution setting, kind of a cross between a short-term academic program and summer camp. I think everyone, including me, was a teenager, although it didn't register as being a change in age.
The only thing I remember very well is that the people in charge were organizing an athletic contest. Apparently this was a tradition for the group, and the centerpiece of the tradition was a long-distance, cold-weather swimming contest. The location was at the edge of a lake or maybe the ocean, in a Scandinavian-like climate. I think it might have been winter to boot--at least it wasn't summery, and the water was very cold.
The adults in charge of the contest were gathering people up to participate, and when they came to me they insinuated that it wasn't a big deal, something they had done for years, and not even all that difficult. I must have signed myself up, because when they came around on subsequent rounds they asked if I was getting ready for the competition. I tried to find out more about it and began to realize that I might not want to do it after all. Every time the sign-up lady came out with another informational tidbit about it it sounded more daunting. I had just assumed that we were supposed to wear swimsuits, but then she mentioned that we should wear at least two swimsuits, and probably socks. I looked down and realized that I was wearing a pea-green competition-style suit over a darker green retro halter suit with shirring. I kind of liked them both, especially the retro one, and wondered vaguely where I had gotten them*.
It had gotten near enough to the race time that people were lining up at the edge of the dock (in all kinds of weird clothing combinations), and I was getting a little apprehensive. The organizer lady came around again, and asked me if I was sure I wanted to compete. I asked what the distance was and she hemmed and hawed, but then said that it would be about an hour and a half of swimming in frigid water. I said, "Oh, in that case I'd better not. I could swim for an hour and a half, but I couldn't compete for an hour and a half." I think I was also wanting to put on some regular clothes by that time, and picturing young competitors dropping off mid-race and sinking slowly to a watery grave. The organizer was fine with my withdrawal, and I thought the staff were displaying a weird and irresponsible mix of cavalier disregard for safety on one hand and a stifling tendency to assume my incapacity on the other.
There was another part of the dream involving a very nifty old house in the middle of the desert that had been converted into a restaurant/museum and was supposedly haunted; and an episode involving rapidly rising floodwater about which I was very unconcerned--but I don't remember much about either.
*oddly, I didn't wonder why I was in good enough shape to be wandering around unselfconsciously in a swimsuit, or swimsuits, as the case may be.
The only thing I remember very well is that the people in charge were organizing an athletic contest. Apparently this was a tradition for the group, and the centerpiece of the tradition was a long-distance, cold-weather swimming contest. The location was at the edge of a lake or maybe the ocean, in a Scandinavian-like climate. I think it might have been winter to boot--at least it wasn't summery, and the water was very cold.
The adults in charge of the contest were gathering people up to participate, and when they came to me they insinuated that it wasn't a big deal, something they had done for years, and not even all that difficult. I must have signed myself up, because when they came around on subsequent rounds they asked if I was getting ready for the competition. I tried to find out more about it and began to realize that I might not want to do it after all. Every time the sign-up lady came out with another informational tidbit about it it sounded more daunting. I had just assumed that we were supposed to wear swimsuits, but then she mentioned that we should wear at least two swimsuits, and probably socks. I looked down and realized that I was wearing a pea-green competition-style suit over a darker green retro halter suit with shirring. I kind of liked them both, especially the retro one, and wondered vaguely where I had gotten them*.
It had gotten near enough to the race time that people were lining up at the edge of the dock (in all kinds of weird clothing combinations), and I was getting a little apprehensive. The organizer lady came around again, and asked me if I was sure I wanted to compete. I asked what the distance was and she hemmed and hawed, but then said that it would be about an hour and a half of swimming in frigid water. I said, "Oh, in that case I'd better not. I could swim for an hour and a half, but I couldn't compete for an hour and a half." I think I was also wanting to put on some regular clothes by that time, and picturing young competitors dropping off mid-race and sinking slowly to a watery grave. The organizer was fine with my withdrawal, and I thought the staff were displaying a weird and irresponsible mix of cavalier disregard for safety on one hand and a stifling tendency to assume my incapacity on the other.
There was another part of the dream involving a very nifty old house in the middle of the desert that had been converted into a restaurant/museum and was supposedly haunted; and an episode involving rapidly rising floodwater about which I was very unconcerned--but I don't remember much about either.
*oddly, I didn't wonder why I was in good enough shape to be wandering around unselfconsciously in a swimsuit, or swimsuits, as the case may be.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
LASIK recovery at home
I was at home in Far Rockaway after LASIK surgery. I came upstairs from my hiding spot in the basement with my goggles on. I surprised family by being home. My mom was happy I had LASIK, brother, sister and nephew were there. I hugged all of them. I went into the kitchen and saw some guy in the dining room mirror who looked like my father. I went to hug him, but realized as I got closer it wasn't the same person. The cornea flap in my left eye kept coming up. I felt it undo itself. I could see in the mirror that it was flipping up from the bottom and I couldn't flip it back down. I was getting really nervous and wanted to call after hours care. At first, family said to wait, but then I said, "No, I want to call right now." I was calling 411 and asked for Duke and the operator gave the wrong number. I realized I was calling from NY. Decided to use my cell phone to make sure I was calling 919 to ask for Duke after hours number. I remember the number ended in 1111. I was looking frantically for the post-operation paperwork in my bags. I just found the paper and then I heard this song that I had only heard before on a show I was watching on television with my sister.
Friday, March 27, 2009
animals
i was hanging out with my family in my grandparent's home (my immediate family used to live in this home for several years when my grandparents lived in colorado). out of the corner of my eye i caught a glimpse of a large mountain lion jumping up onto the roof. this spooked me and i immediately reported it to my family. my parents were skeptical that it was actually a mountain lion and offered that it was most likely a dog. i was convinced, however, that it was indeed a mountain lion. we sat quietly in the living room and listened for the animal. we heard the mountain lion walking on the roof. the footsteps were very loud and distinct. my mother stated that it was in the attic. she then turned to me and asked if i had ever been in the attic. i said i hadn't. listening to the mountain lion walking on the roof made me very nervous. i was sure that it was stalking us and waiting for an opportunity to kill and eat us.
eventually we decided to sneak out of a window in a back bedroom. we then began walking down a long dirt road. after making it several miles down the dirt road and away from our house, i turned around to see the mountain lion running towards us at full speed. it was terrifying and i stood very still. the mountain lion then ran right past us and turned into a very large black sheep. i relaxed when i saw that it was just a sheep and commented to my mother that the whole event reminded me of the movie jumanji.
we continued down the long dirt road as other, non-distinct animals ran past us at varying speeds. eventually my mother pointed out a large peacock (it was the size of an ostrich) behind a fence. the peacock was completely white. the feathers were fanned out and they had an iridescent shimmer to them. we both ran over to the fence to get a closer look. we had to climb down a slippery hill that was immediately adjacent to the fence in order to get closer. we sat down and watched the peacock in awe. after a few moments i turned around and noticed that a large crowd had joined us.
********
i didn't remember this dream until i went on a walk this morning and passed by a pit bull who was wandering around off-leash. i came back home and looked up dream meanings about animals because the dream felt very significant. as is typical with dream interpretations, they were all over the place. but it seems that what they had in common is they interpret animal dreams as representing very primal emotions. anyone want to take a crack at interpreting this for me?
eventually we decided to sneak out of a window in a back bedroom. we then began walking down a long dirt road. after making it several miles down the dirt road and away from our house, i turned around to see the mountain lion running towards us at full speed. it was terrifying and i stood very still. the mountain lion then ran right past us and turned into a very large black sheep. i relaxed when i saw that it was just a sheep and commented to my mother that the whole event reminded me of the movie jumanji.
we continued down the long dirt road as other, non-distinct animals ran past us at varying speeds. eventually my mother pointed out a large peacock (it was the size of an ostrich) behind a fence. the peacock was completely white. the feathers were fanned out and they had an iridescent shimmer to them. we both ran over to the fence to get a closer look. we had to climb down a slippery hill that was immediately adjacent to the fence in order to get closer. we sat down and watched the peacock in awe. after a few moments i turned around and noticed that a large crowd had joined us.
********
i didn't remember this dream until i went on a walk this morning and passed by a pit bull who was wandering around off-leash. i came back home and looked up dream meanings about animals because the dream felt very significant. as is typical with dream interpretations, they were all over the place. but it seems that what they had in common is they interpret animal dreams as representing very primal emotions. anyone want to take a crack at interpreting this for me?
Thursday, July 24, 2008
pretty boys
lately my dreams have been saturated with work-related themes so i haven't cared to document them here. but last night (or more accurately, this morning) i had some lovely boy-related dreams.
first one was about me and jason bateman. we were newly dating and i was very excited though a little cautious. i mean, it was jason bateman so how could i not be excited? but then again, it was jason bateman so i was quite skeptical about how successful the relationship could really be.
the details of this dream are rather sketchy but i do remember several moments of he and i gazing into each other's eyes. and then it quickly turned into us deciding to get married. which made me very nervous. he told me to calm down, that we would make a great husband and wife. i decided to believe him though i felt all apprehensive and anxious. then the dream really picked up speed with us planning a wedding for december, because that would be the next time i'd be in florida with all of my family.
the dream ended somewhere around this time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
the next dream started out with a large group of people (including myself) at a house that was to be remodeled. we were all on the lawn meeting the family who lived in the house. it was a single mom and her kids. her oldest son was in his early 20's and he was insanely attractive in an italian-with-thick-dark-messy-hair kind of way (but he was an american). while he was overwhelmingly attractive, he dressed in a very over-the-top fashion (now that i think of it, he might have been designer tank top guy) and so of course, i began to poke fun at his wardrobe.
as the dream unfolded, it appeared that i was involved in some sort of competition. we were there to be picked to be on a re-design team. as i realized this, i wanted to leave because i knew that there was no way i was suited to re-design a house. but before i knew it, the hot guy was choosing the people who would be on the team. to my surprise, i was chosen. and so was kendra. i remembered thinking that kendra was definitely qualified for the task but i was NOT. it didn't take long for me to realize, though, that i was picked not for my design capabilities but because hot-guy-with-ridiculous-over-the-top-fashion fancied me.
and this is where the dream turned into stuff you don't need to read about.
first one was about me and jason bateman. we were newly dating and i was very excited though a little cautious. i mean, it was jason bateman so how could i not be excited? but then again, it was jason bateman so i was quite skeptical about how successful the relationship could really be.
the details of this dream are rather sketchy but i do remember several moments of he and i gazing into each other's eyes. and then it quickly turned into us deciding to get married. which made me very nervous. he told me to calm down, that we would make a great husband and wife. i decided to believe him though i felt all apprehensive and anxious. then the dream really picked up speed with us planning a wedding for december, because that would be the next time i'd be in florida with all of my family.
the dream ended somewhere around this time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
the next dream started out with a large group of people (including myself) at a house that was to be remodeled. we were all on the lawn meeting the family who lived in the house. it was a single mom and her kids. her oldest son was in his early 20's and he was insanely attractive in an italian-with-thick-dark-messy-hair kind of way (but he was an american). while he was overwhelmingly attractive, he dressed in a very over-the-top fashion (now that i think of it, he might have been designer tank top guy) and so of course, i began to poke fun at his wardrobe.
as the dream unfolded, it appeared that i was involved in some sort of competition. we were there to be picked to be on a re-design team. as i realized this, i wanted to leave because i knew that there was no way i was suited to re-design a house. but before i knew it, the hot guy was choosing the people who would be on the team. to my surprise, i was chosen. and so was kendra. i remembered thinking that kendra was definitely qualified for the task but i was NOT. it didn't take long for me to realize, though, that i was picked not for my design capabilities but because hot-guy-with-ridiculous-over-the-top-fashion fancied me.
and this is where the dream turned into stuff you don't need to read about.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
how's this for blatantly symbolic?
i was leaving some sort of a hotel. as i walked through the lobby towards the exit, i passed my ex who was sitting with a group of friends. i ignored him and exited the hotel, with my little suitcase on wheels in tow.
there was an epically long wooden boardwalk that connected the hotel to the parking lot. i began walking this boardwalk, listening to the sound of my suitcase wheels thumping across the planks (i *do* hear in my dreams). after walking just a few feet away from the hotel, i came to a round table covered in brochures. i stopped for a moment to check them out when i heard the lobby doors open and someone walk up behind me. instinctively i knew it was my ex. he walked up and stood next to me at the table, hoping to get my attention. i laid down the brochure i was looking at and began walking again towards the parking lot.
i was nervous and very aware that he was following me. i tried to walk faster, but i had dream-legs (the kind that move slowly and feel all noodle-y). he continued to follow me, trying to catch up but always just a few steps behind.
finally a very large black man who was the hotel security guard came out of nowhere and made my ex return to the hotel. the large man approached me and told me that he "took care of the situation" and that i am now safe. i said something to the effect of "oh, he's harmless. i know him" and the security guard responded sternly that it was very inappropriate for my ex to be following me and that he needed to be stopped for my safety.
i continued walking down the long boardwalk, dragging my suitcase on wheels, feeling conflicted about what had just happened. i felt both a little disappointed that my ex never caught up with me and relieved that the security guard was so concerned for my well-being.
there was an epically long wooden boardwalk that connected the hotel to the parking lot. i began walking this boardwalk, listening to the sound of my suitcase wheels thumping across the planks (i *do* hear in my dreams). after walking just a few feet away from the hotel, i came to a round table covered in brochures. i stopped for a moment to check them out when i heard the lobby doors open and someone walk up behind me. instinctively i knew it was my ex. he walked up and stood next to me at the table, hoping to get my attention. i laid down the brochure i was looking at and began walking again towards the parking lot.
i was nervous and very aware that he was following me. i tried to walk faster, but i had dream-legs (the kind that move slowly and feel all noodle-y). he continued to follow me, trying to catch up but always just a few steps behind.
finally a very large black man who was the hotel security guard came out of nowhere and made my ex return to the hotel. the large man approached me and told me that he "took care of the situation" and that i am now safe. i said something to the effect of "oh, he's harmless. i know him" and the security guard responded sternly that it was very inappropriate for my ex to be following me and that he needed to be stopped for my safety.
i continued walking down the long boardwalk, dragging my suitcase on wheels, feeling conflicted about what had just happened. i felt both a little disappointed that my ex never caught up with me and relieved that the security guard was so concerned for my well-being.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
don't kill the tiger
i was at some sort of a fair, accompanied by a large group of people from various corners of my life (work, friends, family, etc). we were walking through a an exhibit in a trailer where there were a ton of sheep giving birth all at the same time (i'm pretty sure this part of the dream was influenced by a conversation i had with ceri about a fair in mn).
as i was walking through the exhibit trailer, a saber-toothed tiger appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me outside. it was biting down hard to where it was piercing my skin, but not hard enough to actually rip my arm off. as he was biting down, we were looking at each other straight in the eyes. a crowd gathered around me and a lady had a large knife and was ready to jump in to save me.
i pleaded with the crowd and the knife lady to keep back. i wanted to try to get away so that the tiger wouldn't have to be killed. i felt this weird connection with the tiger as we looked into each other's eyes. somehow i just knew that the tiger and i loved each other (almost like the tiger was my pet) and that he didn't want to hurt me, he was just doing what nature makes tigers do.
i was nervous, halfway wanting someone to save me but knowing that by saving me they would have to kill him. the tiger and i stood there for awhile, my arm in his teeth, looking at each other. finally he made a quick move and bit down harder which made the knife lady lunge into action and stab him in the neck, killing him.
and i sobbed and sobbed. it broke my heart that the tiger was dead.
it was a very emotional dream all around. it felt so real that i instinctively checked my arm for teeth marks when i woke up.
as i was walking through the exhibit trailer, a saber-toothed tiger appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me outside. it was biting down hard to where it was piercing my skin, but not hard enough to actually rip my arm off. as he was biting down, we were looking at each other straight in the eyes. a crowd gathered around me and a lady had a large knife and was ready to jump in to save me.
i pleaded with the crowd and the knife lady to keep back. i wanted to try to get away so that the tiger wouldn't have to be killed. i felt this weird connection with the tiger as we looked into each other's eyes. somehow i just knew that the tiger and i loved each other (almost like the tiger was my pet) and that he didn't want to hurt me, he was just doing what nature makes tigers do.
i was nervous, halfway wanting someone to save me but knowing that by saving me they would have to kill him. the tiger and i stood there for awhile, my arm in his teeth, looking at each other. finally he made a quick move and bit down harder which made the knife lady lunge into action and stab him in the neck, killing him.
and i sobbed and sobbed. it broke my heart that the tiger was dead.
it was a very emotional dream all around. it felt so real that i instinctively checked my arm for teeth marks when i woke up.
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