Back in high school... and anthrax?

I'm new to this blog, but I found it fascinating to read about other people's dreams. I have a lot of my old dreams documented, so I thought I'd share one today. - GirlX

I was back in high school and I saw M in the line for lunch. (Side note: M is a girl who my ex boyfriend cheated on me with in real life, then left me for her and later married her.) She was talking to a girl that I know and have been trying to get a hold of lately. I hate M, so I didn’t want to talk to her. I noticed she’d lost some more weight, and grew her hair. She looked good (of course) and she was talking to someone else I thought I knew. I started wandering the halls trying to find something – my locker? Someone else’s? Then I felt I had to leave.

I was standing by a friend of mine while she was running a cash register, and I wanted to buy some things since she gets a discount. A guy was giving her grief in line, and she held up a button that said ‘can YOU do this job?’ Her mom was there and told her to stop acting like that. The friend freaked out a little and walked away. I was trying to grab the things I wanted to buy but was told not to worry about it and the friend would take them home for me.

I was driving home and saw an old guy friend in a car going past me. His eyebrows were raising, then lowering, and in the rhythm of the eyebrows raising and lowering his eyes were turning into a creature’s eyes – yellow in color, and he had an evil sort of grin on his face and he blew past me. In the dream I said to myself "that it was something I’d seen before in a Stephen King book or movie" I thought it was one of the characters. I laughed it off. I pulled into the driveway of a house where I lived, got out of the car and was checking the mail. I had a lot of mail from military establishments, a few of which were open and a powder was inside them that got on my hands. It was anthrax, I was sure of it. I quickly wiped off my hands and continued pulling mail out of the mailbox. The box was taller than me, and when I pulled out another envelope that was a bit larger, the powder fell out of it and into my mouth. I started to panic at first, then realized I’m going to die in a few days. I tried to figure out where the letters were from, and as I was walking up the driveway there was a strange man in a delivery truck waiting for me. He said he had a package to deliver. I started to shut the garage door, and then laughed and apologized – I was just in a daze from what had happened and wasn’t paying attention to the man. I started to walk into the house with him following, and thought it would be unsafe to let him in. He gave me a bad vibe. I turned and asked him what he had for me, and he replied "it's a package, but it's a little damaged." I was walking back to his truck, saw blood on a cotton ball on the ground in my garage. I asked him where the package was from, he said it was from a military address. I was afraid to see what it was, and asked him if he knew who it came from. He said no, and while he was digging in the truck to find it, I woke up.

some non-gory but brutal violence, and an excessive amount of detail

I'm completely overwhelmed by all the dreams I've had lately. For one thing, I feel like I've only remembered a tiny percentage of fragments; for another, they've been insanely and excessively detailed (noticeably more than usual, which is saying a lot). I guess I'll just start with some snippets in no particular order and see how far I get.

++++++++++++++++++++

This morning before work (in real life) I logged in to Yahoo IM in hopes of talking to a friend in a faraway time zone who's been wanting to chat for a while. Then I realized that I was falling asleep, so I turned the volume way up on the computer in hopes of waking up with the little window-opening noise if he tried to chat with me. That's the real-life background.

In the dream, I was sleeping in my house (except that of course it was slightly different, both in the house's characteristics and the location, which was more wooded). In the dream I also had the computer on while I slept (for the same reason), so I was sleeping a bit fitfully. [I find it weird when dreams parallel real life so closely, especially when I dream that I'm asleep.] I ended up waking up to find that my husband had been there, which surprised me since he had already gone to work and is usually way too busy to come back home. He was trying to sleep in a gigantic king-size bed in a different bedroom (our house had morphed again), and said that he had come home the previous morning too.

That was the boring part. I got into bed intending to sleep some more, and woke up to hear strange sounds outside. We got up and looked out the window, and finally figured out that it was a disgruntled former coworker of my husband, shooting randomly with a shotgun (it must have been a pretty wimpy shotgun, because the sounds weren't very loud). We weren't sure what to do, but before we had decided on a course of action I heard noises in the house. He had somehow gotten inside and was waving his gun around, ranting and raving. I went out into the living room, and he shot wildly and missed the side of my head. Obviously something had to be done, so I picked up a greenish marble cutting board (not something we own) and gave him several solid blows to the head. He slumped over a countertop and I hit him several more times, very much in the way you'd crush a cockroach to be sure it was dead (there was no gore, at least). Then I produced a small pistol out of the blue (we don't have a pistol either) and shot him in the temple to be really sure--no gore there, either. The pistol was just as wimpy as his shotgun--no kick, and not much noise. It occurred to me to wonder why I hadn't found a bigger gun, but this one seemed to have done the job.

Of course after that I was stressed about what to do, not to mention extremely disturbed at having just killed someone (in self-defense, but still, the repeated head-bashing was a little much). Fortunately my alarm went off then.

++++++++++++++++++

Another recent dream involved living in a dorm modeled loosely after my high-school dorm (where, thankfully, I didn't actually have to live). The rooms were very small and the hallways were narrow, and it was set up so that people in the hallway could peek through large cracks in western-saloon type doors and see what was going on in the bathrooms. There wasn't much of a plot, just an overwhelming amount of stuff all over--my stuff, other people's stuff, just all kinds of objects crammed into every available space. At one point I took a bath in some random stranger's bathtub, and the bathroom was chock full of all kinds of toiletries and shampoo. After that I visited my sister in her room and spent some time going through her selection of jewelry, which was a lot of ethnic and vintage stuff. I remember a necklace of jet beads carved into the shape of rosebuds, almost like a rosary, and a curious thing from Czechoslovakia: an egg-shaped container of very thin wood with decorative painting. I opened it up to find that it was full of tiny pins out of the same very thin wood, in lots of different shapes (people, geometric shapes, etc.), meant to be combined in different configurations. I was extremely impressed with her collection.

The dorm then changed a little bit, and I was in an upstairs room helping Curly Sue (who actually had to live in the aforementioned high-school dorm!) move to a different facility. It turned out that she had been incarcerated for some not-too-serious offense and was graduating to a lower-security facility. It can't have been anything too serious, because her mother was there helping with the move, and she didn't seem too disturbed about her daughter's crime/incarceration. Also, in conversation with them I remembered that my dad had recently had a similar stint behind bars.

The funny random detail here is that she was wearing several hats (literally, not figuratively). She had layered two or three knit caps of various textures on her head, and she changed these at least once during the dream. The consistent thing was that the hat on top was always just balanced rakishly on top of the others, not pulled down over her head. I found it curious and didn't completely comprehend the reason she offhandedly gave for her distinctive headgear styling, but I let it drop.

++++++++++++++++++

That's just a couple; maybe I'll give it another try later. Stay tuned for not just one but TWO dust-ups in thrift stores; an anthropological exploration of either Afghanistan or Macedonia, depending on which part of the dream you believe; and an outpouring of emotion for an adoptive father (??).

the zombie horde

I had a series of weird dreams this morning in between repeated snooze-button punchings. In the first, I had been obliged to attend a high school reunion and was not happy about being there. In hopes of avoiding being seen and having to fill people in on my current news, I escaped to the library (not my actual high-school library but a dream library). The rows of shelves were very low, about shoulder height, which dismayed me since I couldn't conceal myself without hunching over.

I was still vainly hoping that I was somewhat hidden when I noticed that a group of older people had come in. I'm not sure what they were doing there, but they had some connection with the reunion or with some other event that was going on. I sensed that they were trying to get away from the action and into a quiet spot. However, lined up evenly spaced between the rows of shelves, they just looked alarming. They all had salt-and-pepper hair in exactly the same shade, were all about the same height and weight (short-to-medium height and skinny), and they all moved very slowly and had vacant looks.

I shouted, to no one in particular, "look, it's the zombie horde!" In real life, of course, this would be extremely rude and not funny at all, but in the dream it was absolutely hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing and congratulating myself on my wit. I was also relieved to have had a bit of comedy to take my mind off my undesirable situation.

I don't remember much of the other dream, except that the protagonist was a rather nondescript man in his mid to late 30s. He had somehow gotten himself employed as a telemarketer, calling up a narrowly defined target demographic (doctors or engineers, something like that) to try to interest them in some very specialized consulting service. Of course none of them were interested, which made him hate the job even more. He was sitting at his desk trying to assemble his lunch, which consisted of sliced turkey lunch meat, sliced cheese, and some kind of flat bread*, and having a meltdown. He was yelling at his boss about having to call these people who weren't interested, how that wasn't what he wanted to do, etc. etc. I really felt sorry for him, because I knew that he was highly educated and had gotten himself into this job by mistake and necessity.


*This was undoubtedly thanks to a recent viewing of the remake of The Prisoner, wherein the only food available was "wraps" (I recommend it, by the way--the program, not necessarily the wraps).

High School Reunion

I had yet another high school reunion dream (perhaps I'm developing a theme as strong as Strovska's group trip theme), this one ridiculously detailed. Note that this may have some basis in reality, since next month is my 15th high school reunion, although I have no plans to attend, and have never planned to attend any reunion. This resolve began the day after I graduated.

Anyway, my dream self seems to be highly entertained by the concept of attending reunions and last night was no exception.

I dreamed that I was arriving at my old school carrying my backpack. I was somewhat proud of myself for limiting my packing to just a backpack. I knew that the girl's dorm had been renovated, so I was expecting some changes. The exterior of the building was expansive and looked very nice, though I did notice that they'd chosen to retain the beige-y, buff-colored exterior, which I thought made it look like a motel.

Inside the lobby, the dorm had retained several architectural features of its former "glory," but with the additions of lots of glass walls with shiny metal accents, a la the CSI labs. I made my way inside and avoided the welcoming smiles of the girls' dean, who was standing at the front desk. She was the one I remember from my years there, and I just wanted to skitter past her with a minimum of "catching-up" chitchat.

I toured the chapel area, and thought it was a shame that they'd completely demolished the yellow stained glass windows in favor of a windowless, and beige-colored, set of blank walls, although I did appreciate the replacement of the seats, which had been horrible when I was there.

I went upstairs to find my room for the reunion weekend. Somehow I knew that I'd be staying in my old room, and that I'd have roommates AND suitemates for the duration. They were all already settled in, and the door was open a crack as I pushed it open and called out, "Hello J.B.!!" (J.B. being the initials of a girl who was my suitemate for two years in real life.) She was standing behind the door, hanging up her clothes in the closet. She gave me one of those friendly-stranger hugs.

I started working to unpack my stuff and get myself ready for something (dinner? church? assembly?). As I investigated the bathroom, I met my suitemates, my cousin A. and another former classmate, S. They had pretty much taken over the bathroom with mountains of bottles, towels, cases of makeup, and various toiletries. Still proud of my light packing job (presumably I was clutching at straws, trying to make myself "cooler" and different from my former classmates), I was trying to wash my face at the sink, which kept filling up with tiny bottles of lotions while I was washing.

There was a lot of activity swirling around me and I'm hazy on the details, but my overall impression was that I was trying really hard to be chipper and chatty, catching up on Life. Our suitemates kept popping in and out of the room, and I noticed that my cousin A., in particular, was wearing a TON of makeup. Verging on orange.

It seemed like we were all trying to get out the door at once, but with very little success, as everyone kept trying to use the sinks/counters in the bathroom, but being thwarted each time by the massive amount of potions. Everyone was trying to iron dresses and skirts, and while I'd been so happy with my limited packing job, I worried that my selections wouldn't be dressy enough, considering all the ironing, fluffing, make up, hair styling, and stocking applications that were going on around me.

In short, it was exactly like high school, and by the time I woke to NPR, I was pretty relieved that I don't have to attend any reunions if I don't want to.

Weird Time Mashup

This dream is a strange combination of two different periods in my life: high school and grad school.

I dreamed that I had gone back to my high school to attend some kind of alumni function. I went into the dormitory where I'd lived in high school only to find that it had been extensively renovated. This renovation involved restoring it to its original ornate decor (very different from real life, I assure you), and, as a special touch, the heavy, carved oak doors had been elaborately inscribed with the names of the original occupants.

I found my room, which was upstairs, second door from the stairs. The names on the door were lovely, but I didn't recognize them. They were something like A. D. Smith and Mabel Something.

I wandered around the dorm, at one point going into the basement looking for the "trash room." I found it, and realized that the basement had certainly not been renovated, and the trash room was overflowing with garbage.

Later, I attended a performance of some kind. Someone I knew from my grad school days (here's the mashup) was in this show, playing a piece on piano (as far as I know she doesn't play at all). In the dream, I knew this piece, having played it myself. I knew that it was very difficult, with an elaborate accompaniment pattern played in the middle register with the thumbs and forefingers, and the melody played with the right pinky finger. It required lots of delicate touch and jumping around on the keyboard, both of which require absolute control.

I was really impressed with her performance, and during the applause, I went backstage to congratulate her. I found her stretched out on the floor (apparently exhausted by the effort of performance). She was surrounded by family members, her two babies, and a couple of small dogs. As they all swirled around her, I knelt by her head to gush about her playing. I kissed her on the forehead and told her she'd done a wonderful job, and that I totally understood how hard it had been.

(Upon waking and considering the piano piece, I know that whatever she was playing wasn't what my dream self thought it was.)

creepy megachurch

Over the weekend I had another Back to School/high school/boarding school/group trip dream (of course). All I can remember of that part is a very rudimentary dorm situation (metal bunk beds), and a girl I actually went to school with referring very matter-of-factly to herself as a lesbian. This was surprising because, although I wouldn't have been surprised to discover that she was, she came from a very conservative family. I was a little in awe of her courage in being so open about it, in view of her background, although the implication seemed to be that she saw it as a spiritual burden to be borne and fought against. I guess that made it a little easier for her to be open about it.

Anyway, the rest of the dream was in the same cultural vein. I somehow ended up in a gigantic megachurch. It was more of an alternate universe, really. Instead of being just a church, with the usual seating-and-platform setup, it was a vast domed structure, with the dome duplicating a sky. It was filled with houses as far as I could see, like your average suburban housing development with largeish houses crammed very close together on very small lots.

The houses were arranged around a central mountain-like contraption. It was very tall and narrow, modeled after the rock columns/mountains you see in pictures from Asia, and although I knew it had been constructed from scratch it was a very convincing facsimile. There was a walkway with railings spiraling around it all the way to the top (which disappeared, or at least appeared to disappear, into clouds). A children's choir was arranged all along the walkway, conducted from below by a woman in a yellow satin robe (I think the children were similarly garbed). She had to crane her neck all the way back and wave her arms at the sky, but they seemed to have no trouble following her (although I wondered about the acoustic viability of such a setup).

The inhabitants, from what I saw and overheard, were very excited about taking part in this alternative living experiment. The whole thing was extremely creepy.

High School Flashback

I dreamed last night that I was at work on a normal day. As I was walking through the building, I noticed a girl that I'd gone to high school with (odd enough, since my entire workplace is ID-access only...no strangers CAN wander around). I recognized her at once because she looked exactly the same, but I pretended I didn't see her. Later that day, she cornered me and started quizzing me: "You're so familiar...don't I know you?" I said something non-committal and she recognized me. I had to pretend that I finally recognized her too.

Suddenly, I was in the position of dragging her all around, showing her the place, as she talked non-stop about high school and all the people we used to know. I asked her where she lived and she said, as though I should have known, "Dallas!"

At some point, the dream shifted to a performance in a big concert hall. It was a Christmas concert (undoubtedly influenced by the Christmas carols !!! playing in the car rental place yesterday). The hip-hop artist Jay Z performed Oh Holy Night. Everyone, including myself, was skeptical about his ability to actually sing, but he did quite a nice job. His performance combined this huge orchestra and choir with some really interesting electronically-modified sound effects, which came off quite nicely. I was very impressed. At the point in the song where it goes really high--oh niiiiiight di-VIIIIINNNEEEE--the orchestra and his pre-recorded soundsd created this whip-like effect that seemed to lash all around the room.

I walked up the long, sloping aisle to use the restroom, and came across my mom and grandma sitting on a park bench outside. At first I was going to avoid them, but I had to walk right past them. They were looking at a tree that was shedding thousands of tiny, white blossoms and petals, so that it looked like snow. I decided to joke around, and I started tossing the petals around and striking poses like a supermodel.

regressing

I hesitated all day about posting this because I think it's an embarrassing thing to dream, but it's so random that I'm going to go ahead and do it.

I don't know what the occasion was, exactly, but I was at some kind of big event being held in a school gym. Whatever the event began as, it was transitioning into a dress-up social occasion of the sort held by religious schools that can't hold a dance. I was somewhat younger in the dream than I actually am, and not married; and there were a lot of people from my old high school, although most of them were just faceless extras (all older than high-school-aged, like me).

When I found out that the event was going to turn dressy I turned my attention to what I should wear for it. Although I don't remember the creative act, I found myself in a dress that I had whipped up on the spot*, out of peach-colored silk, floor-length, and late-80s style (fitted bodice with a "v" at the waist, puffy sleeves--it should be noted that I was skinnier than my actual self in the dream and such a dress actually fit me properly). I was surprised at how good it had turned out, but once I tried it on for fit I kind of ran out of steam on hemming the sleeves and skirt, and was just wearing it unfinished and over a pair of pants.

That's not the really embarrassing part, though. Around that time I started talking to a guy from my high school class who I apparently had a crush on**. He was being very cute/funny/charming, and he put his arm around me as he made silly comments about a washer and dryer we were looking at. What he was saying wasn't even registering because I was so excited that he had his arm around me. Then he made a comment about how we could have that washer in our house if we got married, or something joking-but-not-joking in that vein. Then he mentioned Oklahoma and I realized with a start that he was a big family person and that if we were to get married I would have to spend a lot of time there, possibly even live in Oklahoma, which really gave me pause.

Anyway. The embarrassing thing is, who has such adolescent dreams? The whole thing reads like a 7th-grader's diary! ("And then we were looking at washers and dryers and he put his arm around me! I think he likes me!") And I thought admitting to the Johnny Depp dream was embarrassing. I'm not going to be surprised if in tonight's dream some boy gives me a note saying, "Do you like me? Check yes or no."


*The event was in a cross between a gym and a Best Buy store, complete with merchandise in random places, including sewing machines and other home appliances.
**Thinking about it this morning, I realized that there may have been an actual mutual crush at the time, but I was too clueless to pick up on either side of it.

...and again

I don't know what the deal is, but there was another Anthony Bourdain cameo. I'm beginning to worry now.

In the first part of the dream I was in the car with my husband, on a road trip. It was a more or less spontaneous trip, and we were just exploring. We got to a little town in some southern state. As we entered town, we started to see people in the street, like there was some event. People were dancing and eating, there was music, and the streets were really narrow so we had to slow to a crawl and drive through the middle of everything. As we progressed I realized that we were going through very distinct racial sections of town. At first everyone looked Central American, and I commented that I felt like we had been transported to Nicaragua or Honduras*. As we got a little further the crowd changed. There was a transitional group that included a gypsy flamenco dancer (everything was very detailed, people's clothes, faces and hair). Then suddenly everyone was African-American and there was a large man in a stereotypical "pimp suit", dark purple with a bowler hat, all his accessories coordinated. He was very spiffy and was dancing and juggling a little pistol.

We didn't quite know what to make of this, and we were a little freaked out by these progressive distinct racial groups. We arrived at a section of town with only whites, and they were also out in the street, eating stereotypical things like baked beans and coleslaw. They looked pretty redneck, and they weren't very exuberant compared to the other groups [I love how my subconscious reinforces stereotypes...]; they seemed poor and resentful, like they were fomenting revolt.

At this point my husband had gotten really intrigued and wanted to further explore the town and see what the party was about. We stopped the car to try to decide what to do, and in the few seconds we were stopped, a mulleted blond guy went around the back and bent down. I realized that he was trying to let the air out of our tires with a modified Bic pen. [In the dream, those clear ballpoint Bic pens had a screw-in plug at the non-writing end, and this screw corresponded to the screw on the tire, making them the perfect instrument for emptying car tires; I filed away this information as potentially useful.] We realized we weren't welcome here, and the vaguely menacing atmosphere that had been growing since the beginning finally registered. Fortunately our tires were still inflated, so we got out of there.

Later we arrived at a hotel/resort somewhere in Arkansas. I'm not sure what we were doing there, but we were planning on staying at least one night. It so happened that Anthony Bourdain and his crew were there too, to attend some kind of conference. We were all eating at a big table, and he was flirting outrageously with me (including a roguish and extreme version of "footsies"), which I found flattering but disconcerting. I had the impression that it was a compulsion of his to keep his womanizing skills active at all times, and I told myself that I shouldn't be too flattered by the attention since I was just the most acceptable option present for maintaining his skills (his crew members were apparently exempt since they were too constant a presence).

Later, he needed help organizing handouts and a PowerPoint for a presentation he was making, and I was coaching him on the fine points of labeling Appendices. I said that at my workplace we usually marked them "Appendix A: Such-and-Such" and "Appendix B: Such-and-Such", but then pointed out that the "Appendix A" was probably superfluous, like making a one-item list with "1." He seemed to think that was witty, and also seemed to take my coaching seriously, as if he actually needed help, which was rather flattering (not to mention that he didn't seem to look down on the fact that I had a secretarial job). I felt a little guilty, though, because my husband had gone back to our room, disgusted (I inferred) by my indulgence of this blatant cad.

Things were a little more vague after that. There was a subplot involving a very odd mixed-breed puppy, gray with black speckles and very sheep-like. I did a little bit of research and came to the conclusion that she was actually a very rare and potentially valuable hybrid (she had hair like a poodle, so was allergen-free). According to random internet sources, there were either 330 or 990 existing ("Figures of 1,110 are thought to be inaccurately high"). I was wondering about her potential sale value, but she was also really cute, so I wasn't sure that I wanted to sell her. She seemed like a very cooperative and malleable dog, to the point that she wouldn't really even require training.

Then there was a subplot in which I was arriving at a boarding high school. I was only there temporarily, and there was a whole other group who was also only going to be there temporarily. We were going to be housed in dorms with large, open rooms and bunk beds. As long as the temporary groups were there, each room would contain 8 people, of mixed genders. I was happy to realize that I had snagged a top bunk against the wall, instead of one of the beds out in the middle of the room. The only people I remember were a real-life coworker and a random guy from my high-school class that I don't think I ever talked to. In the dream he was a kind of proto-River Phoenix/Keanu Reeves, and we were all aware that he was Going to Be Big, so everyone was friendlier to him in the dream than they were in real life high school. There was a bit of subtle jockeying to get a bed near his, which he didn't acknowledge openly--but I could tell he was happy about it. A more alarming element of the dorm was the presence of huge cockroaches and even several rats, scurrying around people's luggage.

{Not only do I always seem to introduce the most unsavory labels ("pimp"?), but I'm maxing out the tag characters to the point that Blogger won't publish my post unless I get rid of some!}


*Of course I've never been to either place, but it was very clear in my mind that the scene looked exactly like either of those countries.

cougar?!*

Oh boy. I toyed with not reporting this dream, but I suspect it will be more amusing seeing it written out--when I woke up this morning I was just tired and disgusted with my subconscious for the night's selection.

Anyway. I don't remember the first part of the dream, but I had learned that a boy who was a few years behind me in elementary school had a big crush on me. In real life he was probably 2 years behind me; in this dream, I was my actual age (although, I think, unmarried) but he was only about 15.

There was some church event that I was supposed to be going to, at my parents' church. Actually, it wasn't in the church, but in a room in the elementary school building--my old elementary school building, although it didn't look anything like my actual old school. I arrived with my mother, and for some reason I had it in my head that I needed to indulge this schoolboy crush by sitting somewhere near the boy and his friends. It turned out that my mother didn't need much maneuvering to get us to sit right in front of the row with him, his mother (!) and his friends. He started playing with my hair, which was a little annoying, but I told myself it was part and parcel of indulging his crush. Then my mother decided to move up a couple of rows, to my annoyance. I somehow found a logical and unobtrusive way to end up seated between him and his friends.

Being seated in the middle of a group of 15-year-olds really drove it home that there was a huge age gap. He seemed thrilled, and kept trying to paw me in both odd and inappropriate places, and I was getting annoyed and starting to feel like I had gone far enough with my charitable action and I should be able to hang it up now. The other boys seemed impressed that he had bagged an Older Woman, and I wondered if there had been some bet as to whether or not he would be able to get me to go out with him.

In addition to being hemmed in by youngsters and pawed at, the program was really boring. At one point I looked up at the ceiling and, inspired by the fact that I had spent my elementary-school years there, said, "I'm so glad I'm not in elementary school anymore". Then I realized I was speaking to an audience of entering high-school freshman. I tried to quickly throw in something about high school being much better and completely different from elementary school, so as not to damage their little egos. At the same time I felt very foolish about the not-in-elementary-school-anymore comment, wondering if--horrors--I might be trying to impress them and at the same time appear young enough to be in their age group. [Seriously, when you're over 30 you can be happy to be out of college, or even still happy to be out of adolescence--but out of elementary school? That's something you progress past at age 16 at the latest.]

By this time I was thoroughly disgusted with myself and the situation and wondering why I had even thought I needed to go on a pity date with a minor--and then I wondered, even more alarmed, if that technically made me a pedophile.

I got up to leave and tried to distract myself with some flyers at the entrance. One of them had a black background and looked like someone's idea of a sophisticated layout. It was a p.r.-ish flyer for a nebulous company/service headed by a girl I knew from college. I wasn't sure whether she was peddling publicity services or group travel services. [Yes, even when I'm not on a group trip, group travel still rears its ugly head in my dreams.] There were some stock-looking photos of young, attractive people happily on some kind of cruise, and a phrase that said, "Be seen naked...leaning into the naked sea", with emphasis on naked. I understood the leaning part to refer to the cruise, and to imply something like exultantly leaning off a ship railing a la Titanic, and I wondered who on earth she thought that was going to appeal to as advertising, other than exhibitionists. Then I re-read it and realized that it actually said, "Be seen in black dresses", which was also puzzling but in a different way. Now I was really freaked out about possibly being some kind of perverse maniac.

And now you see why I woke up in a bad mood.

*I now realize that this dream was probably inspired by someone telling me he had actually narrowly escaped a "cougar" when he was younger (cougar as in rapacious older woman, not as in feline).

Art

I was at a friend's apartment, and there was a call for me on her phone. It was my secondary adviser, and his wife (also an art historian, though not at the U) was also on the line. He asked me if I'd "done the research on the Indians," a question I'd apparently promised I'd look into last summer. I had to admit that I hadn't and that I was a big disappointment as a student and scholar. It turned out that he was asking about Hiawatha and Minnehaha (which happen to be the names of two streets here in Mpls). I mentioned the tiny marble busts I'd seen of the two at the Detroit Institute of Arts, done by Harriet Hosmer,* and how much I loved them because they were sparkly.

*I looked this up just now, and they were actually by Edmonia Lewis.

weird

I find it weird that I've had several high-self-esteem dreams lately. Hopefully it means that 2009 will be a good year.

This one was another variation on the school/group trip thing. I was on my way to a high-school reunion, although most of the people who were going to be there were not actually people I went to high school with. The setting was really futuristic, with lots of elevated highways and fly-overs, and I think that the vehicles navigating the highways were futuristic; the whole impression was like a tame, low-speed roller coaster. There were also some interesting landscapes in the distance, like something from one of those classic science fiction novels.

Anyway, I got to the initial meeting place for the reunion. I think we were supposed to meet there, have a party/reception, and then either go on a trip (of course--what else but a group trip?) or have a several-day stay at some sort of resort. Everyone there was quite posh, but I felt perfectly at ease and happy with myself. I was wearing a too-big, excessively high-waisted linen-ish wrinkled black pencil skirt with a tucked-in white blouse. Looking back, it wasn't a good look at all, but I was quite happy about it (I also felt very skinny, whether I actually was or not). I was happily mingling and had a brief exchange (about my clothes?) with Penelope Cruz. I sat down in a corner between some people, and a rather good-looking guy (dream person, not an actual classmate) commented that it was supposed to get cold later and offered to let me borrow his pants (!ha!). I looked at them and saw that, while they were perfectly nice pants and it was nice of him to offer, the black jeans* I had brought in my bag would be a better solution seeing as he was about 8 inches taller than me. So I thanked him and that was that. I think I continued to make small talk with him and the other people in the corner.

It was weird on several levels. Anyone who knows me in real life would know that I would have to be dragged kicking and screaming to a class reunion, and once there I probably wouldn't be swanning about cool as a cucumber. Another anomaly is that normally in clothes-related or packing-related dreams there's an element of desperate last-minute scrambling to create outfits out of bizarre and inappropriate clothing. Maybe my subconscious threw in the random celebrity so I wouldn't be too alarmed at the out-of-the-ordinariness.

*A pair of jeans I actually have, which is also weird because I don't normally dream about clothes I have, only very strange and incompatible dream-clothing.

Shooting/bazaar/party/reunion

I was at some sort of shooting range; there were tall towers that apparently launched clay pigeons or something of the sort. I met a friend from school there, but we didn't get to do any shooting, because he was going to start setting up for some sort of event. He's Persian in real life, and was apparently setting up a bazaar of sorts, I guess so he could sell things he'd imported--things like textiles. He was very excited about it.

As several of us were talking about it, he threw an arm around me and another friend. I really didn't like it, and squirmed and tried to move it, but he didn't notice. Finally, I shouted, "You are making me very uncomfortable and I don't like it! Please remove your arm!" Then he did, but I felt kind of bad that I'd had to be so overt.

Eventually, the bazaar turned into a party with a bunch of people, and we were in a big room. I was sleeping in a large bed in the corner of the room, and when I woke up, a woman was cuddling with me. At first I thought it was Demi Moore, but then I realized it was someone else's wife, though I could never quite place exactly who. She was beautiful and had extremely soft, smooth skin.

Then I was back at my high school, maybe for my sister's 10-year reunion (which will be in 2010). I went into the high school gym, only it was dark and tiny. Two sporting events were going on at opposite ends of the gym, and I saw a bunch of people I knew, including the English teacher for whom I worked all four years. She wanted a picture with me. There were actually lots of digital cameras in the dream; at one point I reached into my bag, and found not my camera, but two cameras belonging to other people.

Reunion

(Wow, this got long! It was the first even vaguely coherently narrative dream I'd had in a long time, probably because I accidentally slept for about 11 hours last night.)

I was back at my high school reunion, but in the dream we seemed to alternate between being teenagers and our current ages. At one point, we were on a bus, and our class sponsor (the physics teacher) was explaining to us something about being able to ride back on the bus, or to take our own transportation and go out. He seemed to be strongly encouraging a drink called "Burma," because it would fit nicely into the theme of what we'd been studying. I did some research, and found a book with really cool old labels from various brands of Burma, and recipes for exotic snacks that made nice accompaniments to it. I never got to taste Burma, although we did go out later; all I remember is that the waitress brought me what was supposed to be a beer, but there were only about two inches in the tall glass, and it tasted like apple juice.

The next day(?) there was some sort of vespers-thing, of which I don't remember much, except that the girls and boys were separated and that at the end, the RAs were the first out. These included people I'd seen at the reunion, in their current state, and at least one who wasn't an RA in school.

From there, we headed to the cafeteria. It was raining, and I was walking by myself. As I turned a corner, I saw a boy from high school, who had liked me a lot then and whom I'm afraid I didn't treat as well as I should have. He hadn't been at our actual reunion. I started crying when I saw him, and we walked toward each other as though everything was going to be okay (I've had the everything-is-going-to-be-okay dream about him before, actually). But then he turned into another (girl) friend from high school, who had been at the reunion, and who was also crying. I was disappointed, but we hugged and went inside the cafeteria together.

My mom still worked there, as did the rest of the foodservice staff from my senior year. I said hi to them in the kitchen, and then we went to find tables in the dining room, which had been set up for some sort of banquet.

The next day was graduation, and it was sunny. A friend and I were walking to the gym for the ceremony, and realizing that I was dressed quite conservatively. I was even wearing nylons, with a dress I recognized as one I'd purchased 10 years ago. I got out my phone to make a call, and when I opened it, my uncle was on the line--he had been trying to call me just as I was trying to call (him?). He was trying to tell me where I should meet him in the gym ("Adam Tennessee"?). I was really excited to see him, but something seemed vaguely wrong and/or sad at the same time that it seemed completely natural. I think I knew there was some reason I hadn't been able to, and wouldn't be able to see him, although I'm not sure I realized in the dream that it was because he was killed almost four years ago.

We got to the gym and were looking for him and my dad, who had also called, but couldn't find them. At some point, one of the security/organization people was walking by with a walkie-talkie, and I could hear my uncle on the other end, trying to either explain or figure out this AdamTenessee business. I tried to make another call with my phone, but realized that it had somehow been smashed and misshapen, although the new shape did end up being rather rounded and ergonomic. I was mostly disappointed that it wasn't all little and compact and as easy to slip into a back pocket as it had been. I never got to see my dad, or my uncle.

family gatherings, etc.

I had a weird dream over the weekend in which I was at a large family type gathering (not my family--what's with me being at all these not-my-family family gatherings lately?). I was wandering around and noticed a crayfish-like insect dressed in overalls writhing around on the ground. It looked like it was suffering, so I thought I should put it out of its misery, though my motives were mixed somewhat; I was also repulsed by it. I was beating it with some kind of implement I can't remember now, when it morphed into a healthy cornfed country boy in overalls. By this time it was too late and I had to finish the job because the insect/young man was pretty far gone (this part was vague, not too graphic). Then, wanting to leave the scene, I went over to a walled-in porch and sat down at a table. There were two teenage girls arranging and rearranging and commenting on various slices of cakes and pies that they had made (none of them on dishes, just on the tablecloth, and amazingly durable what with all the handling). They were excited because the wholesome young hero was going to be coming by and they hoped to impress him with their desserts. At this point I realized that I had just pummeled the wholesome young hero to death and felt intensely uncomfortable.

As a prelude to this dream, there was another episode involving my having acquired several pets (a mixture of cats, rabbits, turtles, and possibly a bird). I had taken several of them to work with me and had lost track of them. A whole day had gone by and I was getting really worried because it was time to feed them, and not only did I not have a food/water setup ready for them, but I wasn't even sure where they were. I haven't had a neglected-pet dream for a long time, but I used to have a lot of these. I'm sure it indicates an unhealthy level of guilt and anxiety.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Then night before last I had a couple of other unsettling dreams. The first involved a lot of people from my high school class reassembling, as if we were still in high school. The setting was more summer-camp than high school. It was at an abandoned building way out in the country, next to a creek. The really unsettling part was that there was an elaborate system for disguising the building when we weren't there, including a very convincing huge fake live-oak tree. I knew that something was amiss if so much effort had to put into hiding the location.

The other dream was another movie dream. This was one of those movies that probably started out as a play because the setting was so simple and it focused on the interactions of a very small group of people. It was vaguely 1950s and involved a desperate, depressed woman in an abusive marriage. She dug a hole in her yard in which to conceal her two children, then was trying to figure out how to leave her husband. A couple she was friends with showed up, and then immediately the husband also arrived, somewhat drunk and quite belligerent. The friends were trying to mediate and keep the husband from getting too violent. The whole atmosphere was very dark and depressing, although I was impressed with the costuming/sets/makeup. I woke up--somewhat unsettled--before I could learn what the outcome was.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And finally, last night I dreamed that I was at another family gathering, this time with people I was actually related to. It was mostly my dad's side of the family, and it was supposed to be an Easter communion service. I wasn't sure how that was supposed to work out, since there are several different religious persuasions involved. Interestingly, everyone seemed to be wearing cowboy boots--after seeing some really nice ones on a cousin, I looked at my own feet and discovered that I too had on cowboy boots.

After a lot of milling around, we finally made our way into a sort of private room in a hotel/restaurant where this service was supposed to take place. Just as everyone was getting settled, though, a large curtain on one side of the room was swept aside and the whole space (now triple the size) was invaded by a film crew who insisted that they had the whole place. I was excessively angry and accosted a passing waitress type who said she was the manager. I started yelling, really in high dudgeon, about how my family had reserved this space before the film crew.

I feel like I deserve some nice, funny, carefree dreams now.

Mostly blurry

I was at a Christmas party at a friend's house. I didn't really know anyone except her--and then she took off. I decided I was going to leave, but she was gone, so I couldn't thank her on my way out. She pulled back into her garage just as I was leaving.

When I got out to my car, I wasn't sure I should drive, as I felt very sleepy and loopy. I decided that if I took side streets, I should be okay. When I got to my car, it was balancing on just two tires, as the other two had shrunken and warped into misshapen blobs of rubber. I got in and drove anyway, but most of the road was under construction, and bright orange cones lined a single open lane.

As I was driving--very slowly and carefully, given my states of mind and vehicle--I saw a car drive through the construction zone, get hooked on something, and keep driving until the cable that had caught him was strained taught and he couldn't figure out why he wasn't moving. He got out to examine it, but I don't remember what happened.

Later I was in the church where I did most of my growing up. I think my advisor may have been there, but unfortunately, the rest of the dream is a smeary blur.

scientific ethics

I've finally remembered something I dreamed. Just before I woke up this morning, I dreamed that I was back in school. My mother was urging me to take a class on "scientific ethics". She was really adamant that I take it, and I was somewhat insulted that she should think I was in such dire need of a class on ethics, scientific or otherwise.

Another element of the dream was that my sister was a fledgling lawyer. As one of her first big projects (sort of a thesis/internship project), she had focused on infringement of intellectual property rights in high fashion. She had produced a really nice, glossy booklet with illustrations of the original side by side with the imitation (the imitations as well as the originals had all been done by high-profile designers--or at least they were high-profile in my dream--which really surprised me). There were little mini-biographies of the designers too, and the whole thing was very detailed. It was an interesting twist on my periodic clothing-oriented dreams--I guess having watched Project Runway the night before expanded my clothing-dream repertory.

Flashback

I was riding in a van with a group of people, including the boy I'd been obsessed with in high school. He was wearing a dark suit. He had been sitting beside me, but then he was behind me, gently rubbing my head, forehead and cheekbones. It felt amazing.

... If memory serves, it felt rather a lot the way it actually did when he did it 10 years ago.

If LSD is stored in fat cells and produces flashbacks when they're burned, maybe my happy high school memories are trapped somewhere, too, and released when I'm sleeping. I wouldn't mind.

Tears

I'm pretty sure I had been crying in my sleep, but I'm not sure why, because all I could remember of my dreams was that a girl in my department had a baby, and that an acquaintance from high school was very tan, very gay, and leading a choir (which, it was determined, I would be better off just watching).