Demon Cat

My psyche totally made up for the last thoroughly uncharacteristic, but lovely and affirming, dream I posted here by waking me up this morning screaming. In the dream, if was a full-throttled anguished wail, but what actually woke me in real life was my own pitiful whimper.

A couple of my best friends were in town for my wedding (what?!)*, and he brought their daughter and cat to my apartment so that I could watch them for a while; I think his wife was sick. Almost immediately, though, this cat (which in real life is lovely) revealed itself to be an absolute demon. It went behind the TV and there was a theatrical flash of light blue light and a powering-down sound that indicated that the cat had chewed through the TV wires. The same thing happened and the computer went down. As I tried to catch and contain the cat, it chomped down hard on my left wrist and latched on. I tried blowing in its face, swatting it, flinging it off, and prying its jaws open, but it held on, and although I knew it was inflicting a pretty serious injury that would hurt a lot, I also didn't want to hurt the cat.

But then, then! It let go, only to dart into a large cage that had appeared on the floor and contained another couple of best friends' kitties. These kitties were somehow much smaller and more fragile, and the demon cat killed them almost instantly.**

This time I picked up the demon cat and sort of flung it to the floor. Even though it was nothing compared to the shaking that completely failed to loosen it when it had its teeth in my wrist, this time it, of course, suddenly died.

It was the realization that I was directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of basically all of my best friends' cats (though thank goodness my subconscious forgot the toddler in my care and thus allowed her to escape unscathed!), and the fear that David wouldn't love me any more after I'd killed all those animals, that woke me up howling. What an awful dream.

*This getting-married-oh-no! themed dream broke with convention, as the potential groom was my current boyfriend, it was a day or two before the wedding, and before my brain could totally freak out over the idea of getting married, it was interrupted by the antics of a demon cat.

**In real life, one of these kitties really is kind of demonic.

Civil War Distress

This was part of a larger dream, which I don't remember. At some point, I was in the garage of my mom's old house with my boyfriend, B. We were just hanging around when we heard and saw someone hobble past on a crutch. This person was dressed in rags and was clearly injured very badly, with one foot/ankle wrapped in a very bloody bandage.

Somehow I knew that this was a victim or combatant in the Civil War (i.e. the American Civil War...don't ask me how that got mixed up in my dream), and that this person was a minority of some kind. Not black or white or anything, but more like an ethnic minority of Eastern Europe or something. Anyway, I realized that this guy (it was a young guy) had been gravely injured and was fleeing from combat. He looked just like you'd imagine an Ethiopian refugee might look on TV.

He hobbled past our door and didn't say anything to us, but we could tell he stopped just past the door, because he was making these moaning and whimpering sounds. We didn't know what to do because we could see when he walked by that his whole foot was nearly off, just sort of dangling by the tendon at the heel. You could see daylight through the ankle. And I think he was injured in other ways too.

Eventually he ended up inside the garage, where he started begging us to kill him because he was in so much pain and we couldn't do anything for his injuries. His hair was shaved close and he had huge eyes. He kept asking us to kill him, and crying.

Finally, I went to the garage shelf and got my revolver (??), went over to him and, before I could lose my nerve, I shot him in the head. He died immediately, and I felt kind of relieved for him. But then it occurred to us that it might not be viewed as a mercy killing by anyone else, including the law. We started trying to think of what to do with his body. We were going to bury it in the field, but there was a guy (from my workplace, oddly) out there making dry ice (??) right where we wanted to bury the body.

I was starting to get really upset when I woke up feeling very relieved that I didn't just kill someone.

Marriage

In an unusual twist on the wedding dream, last night I realized that my boyfriend and I had somehow gotten married. Concerningly, however, I couldn't remember having a wedding. When I thought back, I could "remember" some sort of ceremony, but without any of my own friends or family. When I realized that my mom hadn't been at my wedding, I got so sad I almost started crying. I thought that maybe the marriage should be annulled, since we hadn't even had a proper wedding. I was somewhat comforted by the fact that we could have a reception when we got back to Minneapolis, and that I could send cute invitations for that (I was thinking something with black and white stripes, vaguely French).

I decided to go to bed or take a nap, and to listen to my neighbor's "audio logs"--kind of a streaming audio blog, I think, and entirely a dream invention--for comfort. Somehow, though, I ended up at a party she was hosting, with a bunch of people I knew from various lives. One friend was telling me about the single-wide mobile home he'd bought with the help of another friend (she said she'd put in $1200, and when the housing market crashed, that investment had disappeared). My neighbor came over and asked me how I was doing, and I was about to tell her how sad I felt about the wedding debacle. Then I woke up, and was SO relieved that I wasn't married or in the middle of wedding business in real life!

Overflow

I was in a full public restroom. I went into one of the stalls that had just been vacated, and the woman had left her red baseball cap on the hook, so I handed it back to her. I was putting toilet paper on the seat when the automatic flush went off. It went off again as I tried to arrange the paper, and this time it filled the toilet to the edge of the seat and the water looked murky. At this point, I had a dilemma: did I leave the stall and say that although I hadn't even used the toilet, it was now perilously close to overflowing? Would I be believed, since I'd been in there a minute or two and had apparently already flushed twice?

I decided to stay... but the toilet flushed again and began overflowing. I crammed myself up against the door, as far as possible from the font, which still splashed me a little. It did this a few more times, flooding into the surrounding stalls. I thought I could hear people talking about it. Finally the toilet settled to a normal water level and I decided I could risk using it. Just then, my alarm went off. What a relief!

Before that, I had been in a field in a car with my parents. There was a dog that charged us and that we determined must be "part horse" because it was so big (though friendly). A cow charged us, too, but was thwarted by a patio door, or something like that. And finally, a creepy guy came up to the car to offer us advice, but we only rolled the windows down partway because we couldn't figure out if he was good or evil.

It was once we'd gotten back into civilization that the toilet incident occurred.

Art

I was at a friend's apartment, and there was a call for me on her phone. It was my secondary adviser, and his wife (also an art historian, though not at the U) was also on the line. He asked me if I'd "done the research on the Indians," a question I'd apparently promised I'd look into last summer. I had to admit that I hadn't and that I was a big disappointment as a student and scholar. It turned out that he was asking about Hiawatha and Minnehaha (which happen to be the names of two streets here in Mpls). I mentioned the tiny marble busts I'd seen of the two at the Detroit Institute of Arts, done by Harriet Hosmer,* and how much I loved them because they were sparkly.

*I looked this up just now, and they were actually by Edmonia Lewis.

Rolls

I've been taking naps recently, and sleeping so deeply that I dream. Last week I during a nap, I dreamt that my sister looked at some groceries my mom had picked up, and exclaimed excitedly that she had gotten some acorn flour mix. (My mom and I are on this 21-day cleanse right now that involves not eating wheat.) I picked up a couple of rolls in the kitchen and ate them. They were soft and sort of flaky and delicious. Then I realized that they must have wheat in them, and that I had broken my diet. Oops.

Unprepared

Apparently it's nightmare season? Oh, or maybe it's that my PhD exams are coming up at the end of the summer. Bring on the anxiety dreams!

I was driving through snow. It wasn't very much snow, and it didn't look too slippery, until oncoming cars started slipping elaborately, all across the road in front of me. Then I started sliding, too. I'm pretty sure I ran over a fallen bicycle wheel on the shoulder. And that there was a cop behind me when I did so. I figured if he pulled me over I'd say I hadn't noticed.

I got to the freeway and realized I was taking the wrong way to get to the place I needed to be, and to which I was probably already going to be late. Then (far too late to turn around), I realized that I was headed to my summer teaching job, and that I didn't have any of my supplies with me.

In the building, I put down what I did have with me (my purse?) and saw that the clock said 1:40. That meant I was either 10 minutes late for the start of a 1:30 class, or maybe just shy of the requisite half hour early for a 2:00 class (although we were supposed to be there an hour early on the first day of class, and this was the first day). I went looking for a schedule of events happening at the building, and saw that my reading class was indeed scheduled for that day, from 2:00-4:00. As I was looking at the schedule, I saw one of my parents from last summer, who I really liked. She gave me a hug and told me what a great experience it had been, and that she'd brought her kids back for more. I looked around and saw several parents with small children. I smiled uneasily, terrified about what I could possibly put together in the next 20 minutes without my lesson plan, let alone any books for the kids to read, or even their materials packets. To make matters worse, I realized that that first class was to be a Level 2, the only level I hadn't taught last summer. I was feeling horrified at the thought that I would just have to tell everyone we couldn't have class today on this first day when I woke myself up. What a relief.

Running late

There was something to do with elevators.

I think I was traveling with a group, and took a different elevator from the rest of them. We were very close to, or in, the airport, but I was lost pretty much as soon as I got off the elevator. There was a sign that directed to another elevator, and then down a hallway that seemed vaguely familiar, and then the signs stopped. The people who had been in the elevator with me were a friendly lot and we tried to figure it out together, but with no luck.

Finally I asked directions of a fellow who said I should get to the first floor, at which point I'd have to exit the building and do a sort of U-turn in order to reenter in the right place. For some reason, this seemed perfectly correct to me; in fact, I could picture having had to do the same thing once before. "Ha ha! That's Sea-Tac Airport for you!" I said.

However, once I finally got to the ground floor, exited, and reentered, I saw that although there were counters for checking in, there was a large sign that said "NO STUDENTS." The students, apparently, had to check in elsewhere. Increasingly frantic, I found myself downstairs, trying to get to the correct place to check in for my flight. Although I thought I had budgeted plenty of time, all this wandering was costing me. It didn't help that one of the people I asked for directions (apparently I had wandered into a hospital or research wing; I wondered despairingly whether I was even still in the airport complex) said she always arrived four hours early for her flight. I only had 37 minutes left before take-off, and I hadn't even checked in.

I woke up with my heart pounding. "Like a drum" sounds clicheed, but that's what it sounded like to me as I lay there, relieved, in the dark.

Back to school

I had a series of strange dreams last night, but the most notable was this:

I was back in my apartment in Minneapolis with a bunch of people, one of them the brother of the partner of a friend in my department, who I've only met once and who lives in Seattle. Somehow, we decided we needed to clean the floor, and soon everyone was using buckets and brushes in different rooms. The finished product was really amazing; my floor, which in real life has the character that only a century of livin' can impart, and is composed of narrow maple boards, had a warm, pinkish tone and an almost pearlescent luster.

On my couch was a pile of papers, which belonged to the boy I mentioned earlier. He's a PhD student in geology in real life, but looks about 18, and in the dream he was getting ready to start college. He was on the phone trying to figure out his schedule or finances or something--he was worried he wouldn't be able to start school that day.

Then I realized he was enrolled--or enrolling--at the U, and that I, too, was supposed to be starting school. It was 4:00 on Monday! What classes did I have today? What had I missed? Could I make it to my evening class on time?

It was cloudy and rainy, but I was still going to take my bike, and was frantically getting ready to go. Then, slowly, I realized that I didn't know what classes I was taking... because I had been supposed to e-mail a few different professors at my advisor's recommendation... and hadn't yet... because school didn't start for another two and a half weeks.

I was giddy with relief.

don't forget to renew your auto insurance

i've been exhausted all day and i blame this dream:

it was just awful. i was trying to drive my explorer through town but the stick shift (i have an automatic in real life, haven't driven a standard in several years...) was on my left, in between me and the door. i had a hard time shifting with my left hand so i crossed my hands so that the left hand was steering and the right one was shifting. it was a very awkward way to drive and as i was rounding the corner i slammed into a parked car. both my car and the parked car were totaled.

and from there i end up finding out that i forgot to renew my auto insurance and so i actually had a lapse in coverage and i now had two completely ruined vehicles and no way to pay for them.

the rest of the dream was an exhausting exercise in problem solving.

and of course, the very first thing i did when i woke up was grab my laptop and log onto geico.com and make sure that i was, in fact, completely insured.

stupid dreams.

Chased and late

So I was in the car with my parents, and we were driving along one of the semi-familiar composited freeways that populate my dreams. It was under construction of some sort. I don't remember if I saw a sign or heard a tour guide of some sort say it, but I became aware that there was something special about the robots on the side of the road. Robots?! I looked to one side of the car, and all I saw were these concrete pillar-things that looked vaguely humanoid. I looked to the other side, and there were some robots that looked like overgrown Lego men. One in a yellow hat started running up to the car, but my dad was able to speed up and get away from him. But then another of the robot guys started chasing us. This one looked like a human, with long dark hair and a goatee. I was reading a magazine and realized that the guy who was going to play a robot in a movie was a famous actor, who I think was named Collin Tokannon. Sure enough, that was the guy chasing us. I still felt alarmed by him, though, especially when he managed to catch us and then jump onto the bumper and cling to the car. We were in my car, the Bruise, and I was in the backseat, so I reached back and locked the back, just in case. I suppose if a guy can catch up to a speeding vehicle, jump onto the back, and manage to hold on, he shouldn't have any trouble opening the hatch and getting in (if it's unlocked).

Earlier, I had one of those awful dreams where I'm running late and about to disappoint everyone because I just can't get it together. It was my second day at a new job, and I was trying to decide what to wear. The outfit morphed a bit throughout the course of the dream, but throughout it was striking. I had on some sort of stripey green and pink long sleeved shirt, under a fuchsia button-down tunic with a beaded black bow-tie/brooch (I eventually removed the latter as being too over-the-top). Over that, I had on a sparkly black crocheted vest of sorts with a very open weave that showed the other two layers. On top of everything, I was wearing a soft, loose, long black sweater with a very deep V-neck, which made the whole thing very classy. The bottoms morphed from a knee-length fuchsia skirt that matched the tunic to capris of the same color. The thing that really pulled it all together, though, was my wide fuchsia bracelet. The problem was the shoes. Closed-toe shoes looked funny with such a spring-like costume, but it was winter and I had to wear them, even though the gap between my socks and the skirt/capris, exposing my very white legs, looked silly. I think I ended up settling on rather demure black sneakers with a couple inches of gray socks showing.

Even in the dream, I was concerned about such an odd get-up, but running as late as I was (45 minutes, I think, by the time the dream finally shifted), it didn't even occur to me to just start over. I think I thought if I could just get the right footwear ensemble, everything would be okay.

As if the stress in my waking life isn't enough. Instead it has to plague me in my sleep...

"Tangled in my blanket of clouds..."

Last night I played the making-dinner-from-nothing-and-without-grocery-shopping game, which is always exciting, especially when you're starving. I wanted to make my mom's oatmeal pancakes, but since I didn't have any eggs, called her to see if applesauce could substitute. She thought it could--but then it turned out my applesauce was moldy, so I had to call for another suggestion. At this point she suggested nuts, and as I found some sliced almonds in my freezer, I proceeded with the pancakes and promised I'd let her know how they turned out. It was this afternoon when she called to find out how they'd been (really delicious!) that my dream came back to me.

In my dream, the glass bowl in which I'd mixed the pancake batter was on the counter in my kitchen, but it was full of batter again! I couldn't believe I'd forgotten to fry up the rest of the really delicious pancakes, and thought I'd make some more. Then I realized the batter had been sitting out all night, so that probably wasn't the best idea.

Then I was eating something. Pancakes? I guess it tasted sort of like it, although they were a little gluey. For some reason, I started crying, as I was eating. And then I started choking. I couldn't breathe and I felt sick. I ran to the bathroom because I thought I would throw up, although in real life I really never throw up. I was terrified because I couldn't breathe. I woke up gasping, with my heart pounding.

It would be a better story if I could say I'd eaten my pillow or something, but I hadn't. My bedding was fine, and, thankfully, so was I.

Streaked

I dreamed my hair was turning gray. In the dream, I looked at it and somewhat surprised myself by not really caring. (Unless my true dream-self was just putting a good face on things, and wasn't actually fooling anyone, including the other dream-self that was "surprised.")

When I woke up, though, I was pretty happy to see that my hair is still gray-free.

Marathon

There was a new twist on this year's pre-marathon nightmares: I spent the night before the race feeling half-awake, "working" on the problem that the Twin Cities Marathon course map seemed to be conflated with the design for my timeline project. There were so many possible paths to take, and information to weigh for all of the different options! It was a relief to awaken from such torment--until I looked at the clock and realized it was 4:14 a.m. Thankfully, I was able to go back to sleep and get in a few more hours of (more restful) sleep.

wedding nightmare

last night i was visited by my reoccurring nightmare of getting married to someone who i DO NOT want to marry. i've had these dreams for several years and they show up every couple of months or so. the guys are different. sometimes they are exes, sometimes they are just guys that i've known throughout my life. last night it was a friend who i haven't been in contact with in probably a year and a half.

as usual, i was moments away from walking down the aisle. i was in the dress and helping to decorate. this part of the dream was fun. i was surrounded by friends and family and was filling the chapel with tons of candles. and then it hit me that i was about to be married to someone who i didn't love and wasn't at all attracted to. my stomach sank and i began to panic.

as is usual in this type of dream, i started trying to figure out how i could get out of the wedding that was moments away from taking place. i worried about hurting his feelings and making a huge scene by calling everything off. i thought about if i could really go through with it. could i just fake that i wanted to marry this guy so i wouldn't disappoint everyone? could i handle being "tied" to someone i didn't love? could i learn to love him?

the dream then turned into a series of scenes flashing one after another. one of me and him at the alter and feeling sick to my stomach. one of me looking at my face in a photograph and wondering if others could tell that i wasn't happy. another of me and him back at "our house" after the wedding and feeling completely stuck and like my life was ruined. in all of this i was trying to keep myself from showing him or anyone else how sad i was but he could tell. he tried to convince me that i would eventually love him and be happy but it literally felt as if it were the final moments of my life, that it was coming to an end.

i woke up in a sweat. there are no words to describe the relief i felt when i realized it was just a dream.

two dreams in one night!

they say that you dream all night, but i'm the type of person that has a hard time remembering my dreams. so remembering two dreams from last night is an anomoly!

first of all, i dreamed about my teeth. (i got braces put on the week before starting my freshman year of high school (age 14). besides the fact that it looked like trainwreck in my mouth, orthodontic treatment was needed because my molars were grinding down in dangerous ways. the trainwreck was so bad though that for the last few years i had hid my teeth. when i laughed i would cover my mouth. when i smiled, it was never with teeth showing. i was really self-conscious about my trainwreck. braces made me happy and i liked them. after about two and a half years, the trainwreck had disappeared and so did the braces.) it's been about ten years since i had my braces removed. i faithfully wore my retainers every night for about seven years, but i've been really bad about it the last few years. i know my teeth have shifted some, but it's not terrible. and i still do try to wear the retainers once in a while. okay, now back to the dream, i literally woke up one morning and had half of a trainwreck in my mouth. my teeth were fine before bed, but something strange must have happened in my sleep. the first thing i did when i got out of bed was go the mirror. thank god, i did not find the trainwreck that i had dreamed about. i think i'm going to start wearing my retainers at night again.

in the second dream i was being seated on a large airplane. i was taking an international trip and coco was with me. it was so last minute that i had forgotten to bring a leash for her and for some reason they would not sell them where i was going. and to make matters worse i was seated by some teenage girls. one of which proclaimed she was allergic to dogs which thankfully meant i got to change seats. but the seat change didn't give me an aisle seat. but one of the two (only two?) flight attendants on this HUGE plane, loved coco and told me about a secret pet place on the upper level of the plane. it was like a mcdonald's playland for dogs. and it seemed that i had the only dog so it was all mine. the problem was that i didn't have a leash, and that was a requirement. so i was trying to figure out how to make a leash out of the carryon items that i had with me. but then i realized i didn't have her collar either, so i would have to make a collar too! and all of this was literally impossible to do.

it's no wonder i don't feel rested this morning. i was solving problems on a plane all night!

At least I wasn't the one in school...

I woke up just in time to avoid having to explain to my student why I hadn't given him an A on his essay.

At that point in real life, I hadn't even started to grade the papers.