Friday, February 5, 2010

Noah and the Flood

I dreamed that I was with my boyfriend, his family, and several other people in a large house clearly located in Florida. I'm not sure why we were all together, but we learned that The Flood was going to happen (yes, the Biblical flood). I guess we heard it on TV, so we were trying to get things ready in the house (sort of like hurricane preparation). I guess we were going to try to ride it out at home.

The house was very open, airy, and light with lots of windows and skylights. I was worried about all this glass, so we decided to take refuge in a bedroom that only had one window.

As we were making preparations, it seemed that I was the only one who was really worried about the severe weather approaching; I could see the vast, black storm cloud coming up on the horizon. I grabbed my laptop and wondered if I should go and get my backpack, which apparently had my clothes inside. In the end, I didn't because a distraction arrived.

Apparently, the Biblical Aaron arrived, who had apparently made the prediction that this flood would happen. (Notice that I'm confusing Biblical characters here: in my dream, Aaron was Noah's brother.) When he showed up, I rolled my eyes and inwardly sighed; he was wearing what he clearly thought was a "hipster" suit, sunglasses, and he had long straight hair, parted down the middle. The suit, however, was large and boxy, in a navy blue, and he was wearing this mustard yellow shirt underneath, sans tie. I thought he was trying to act the part of Prophet a little too hard. (I believe that Noah was already present in the house, though he didn't have a large role in the dream.)

Everyone was really impressed that we had Aaron in the house. Everyone had gone into the small bedroom to wait for the storm to hit. This stranger, a woman, was sitting across from me. She was total Florida from head to toe, wearing a pastel suit, tons of makeup and jewelry, and had a deep mahogany tan. She kept asking me questions, as though to show that I wasn't as cool as I thought.

Then a guy came to sit in front of me because I was going to shave his face (?!). I was using this tiny, extremely sharp tool to shave him, sort of like a straight razor, but much smaller. More like a larger exacto knife. I was scraping away at his (surprisingly thick) beard/neck hair under his ears (??), and he kept twisting his head around to look at me. He kept asking me really personal questions, implying that he'd seen me several times in porn videos!!!

I kept asking him to sit still so I didn't slit his throat ("Sir, please sit still!"), but he kept saying things like, "You don't have to pretend with me, I've seen you naked," as he kept giving me leering glances. He was really gross too, a red-faced, thick-necked guy with a big, fleshy ear and jowl. I never really understood if he was mistaking me for someone else, or if I really had been in porn videos. I just decided to keep my professional shaver's demeanor and asking politely for him to sit still. My boyfriend was sitting beside me the whole time, and I knew he'd appreciate it if I didn't respond to this idiot.


strovska said...

!!! i think this one might win the all-time weirdest/funniest prize. unfortunately, i was reading it just as the [work] phone rang, and barely held it together.

also, i'm glad to see that someone else is contributing to the unsavory tags.

ha! thanks for the post-laughter coughing fit....

Leah said...

Yes, sometimes the "porn" tag is a necessary evil.

I made a special effort to remember this one because it was so bizarre. I still recall the feel of that guy's jowl. *shudder*

CëRïSë said...

Hilarious! I especially loved the bit about the Prophet Aaron. Crazy times.

Ellen said...

I can't even process it all. And, I'm a little jealous that you had a bible dream.