i'm dating a mac

I had three wildly different dreams last night. I'll get the gross one out of the way first. WARNING: I'm not kidding when I say it's gross, so you might want to skip down to the second one if you're squeamish or eating. Really.

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There's not much of a story line to the gross one. I was standing in front of a toilet trying to get it to flush. I had tried a couple of times and it was sort of flushing, so I thought I'd risk it being clogged and try again. It started roiling around and suddenly (ack! I don't even want to type this.) erupted like a geyser. Not just the contents of the toilet, but what seemed like the contents of the entire municipal sewage system were spewing out in a 6-foot-high fountain, as if the toilet were projectile vomiting.

It was by far the grossest dream I've ever had, and I had mercifully forgotten about it until the local NPR station saw fit to mention a local sewage leak this morning and it all came flooding (har!) back.

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On to a more pleasant one now. I was in a group setting with an assortment of random dream people and a few former classmates (what is with this?). It was some sort of summer-camp-like environment (except it was winter), and I didn't really feel like being there but was obligated. I was a little sick or maybe just tired and depressed, and sitting next to my mother in a row of folding chairs, watching people getting ready to put on a skit. My mother started talking about some kind of show that a former classmate of mine was in, involving profanity. My mother said, "yes, he says, 'mmmmmghsfsajhgmmmmm' [mumbling]". I asked her to repeat herself and she mumbled again, only this time I made out that she was repeating a punch line containing The F-Word, and that she was mumbling it because she was embarassed to say it out loud. She said, "yes, it's vulgar, but it's so funny!" Which was completely out of character for my mother, who upbraided me once as a youngster for calling someone a brown-noser (which, in light of the previous dream, I can't blame her for).

By that time the performers were ready to perform their skit. I don't know who else was there, but it was a whole row of people seated on chairs on the stage, and in the middle was Justin Long (aka "I'm a Mac"). He kept looking at me during the performance, and when it was over he immediately came over and made it clear (how, I don't know; there wasn't much of an exchange of communication) that he was madly in love with me and that we were going to be dating. I was flattered, of course, especially since I thought I was looking pretty mediocre due to being tired and sick, but I wasn't quite sure how to feel about it.

I'm not sure whether I brought it up directly, but I was rather concerned about the fact that I was married and yet I was clearly supposed to be dating this person. He was cute, and quite persuasive, and completely dismissive of the idea that my being married was a problem. The only thing I could really think of to say as he put his arms around me was, "I was wondering how tall you were" (because he had always struck me as being rather short, which he was indeed in the dream, albeit a little taller than me). I was also confused by the fact that, to the extent that they noticed it, everyone seemed to think this little fling was really cute--even my mother seemed approving of it.

By the time I woke up I still hadn't come to any conclusion about how to deal with the fling with the Mac guy, and we had moved on to such racy activities as sliding across the gym floor on our stomachs. Oh, and there was a lot of hand-holding. Basically it was a 5th-grade level relationship, but it was a pretty self-esteem-boosting dream, what with the instant infatuation (I kept reminding myself that he probably had many attractive choices when it came to dating, including, of course, Drew Barrymore).

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The last dream was boring but extremely vivid and detailed visually. I was on my way to run an errand for work and had to stop and eat somewhere. I was so hungry I had gotten confused, and I couldn't decide whether to actually eat something or to get something at a juice/smoothie place. I parked my scooter (?!), with some difficulty, and went inside. It was a two-story building with the entrance on the second story because it was built on a hill. The side facing the street was full of frosted glass windows, and the rest of the walls that weren't frosted glass were covered with license plates. I thought it was an interesting look, but was frustrated because it would have been more interesting to look at the street activity than to stare at the milky whiteness of the windows. I finally decided to have a cherry/banana/chocolate smoothie, but I was having a terrible time getting any of the people at the counter to come take my order. I surmised that this was because they were all gay and didn't think women were worthy of their attention (?). The whole dream had a really stressful, confused feeling.