had another one of my reoccurring dreams last night. the usual plot is that, for various reasons, i have to return to high school and finish a year that i have somehow missed along the way. i'm required to do this, and i'm embarrassed about it, and frustrated by it, and feel completely out of place.
last night's dream was different in that it wasn't high school i had to return to, but junior academy. i was living back home and trying to pick out an outfit for my first day of school and had a general feeling of disillusionment like, so this is where my life is at. fantastic.
in my dream, my mom was really happy that i was going back to this particular school because that meant i would be having bible classes and she really thought this would be good for me (the feelings in the dream were reminiscent of when i first went to this school in real-life. my mom was super excited for me to be going to a christian school and so wanted me to feel the same excitement. which i did not. and her excitement and desire for me to be excited would irritate me and then i would get crabby).
anyway, back to the dream. i wasn't taking the whole getting ready for school and getting there on time very seriously (for some reason school started at 2:30 in the afternoon). randomly, i saw a commercial about cbs having a website where you could download free music. so i was trying to download music while i should have been getting ready for school but the website sucked and had a very limited and weird selection of music. the only song i found that i liked was jane says by jane's addiction and so i downloaded it even though i already had six versions of the song.
i then went back to getting ready for school. and this is where my dream really departed from the usual plot. this time, in the dream, i began questioning why i had to go back to junior high (in previous dreams i never questioned why, i just went back). i went into the hall bathroom where my mom was also getting ready for the day and was telling her that there had to be some sort of mistake. that i couldn't understand the purpose of me returning to junior academy after all these years. and then, it hit me. i ran back to my bedroom and grabbed my diploma from grad school and ran back into the bathroom all excited and told my mom "i don't have to go back!! i have a diploma!! they would never have let me go to grad school if i hadn't finished junior academy!!" my mom seemed disappointed but i was thrilled and relieved.
and then i woke up.