Tuesday, November 30, 2010

more ugh

[Another "ugh" to go along with the previous post.]

I don't remember what led to this, but I was settling into an educational institution. It must have been a co-ed dorm*, because I was in a restroom with a couple of guys I had known at various points in my real-life educational career. They're both fair-haired, and they were wearing similar but not exactly-matching plaid western shirts, lending them the air of a hipster comedy duo.

I was trying to find a toilet suitable for use, but, as so often happens with public restrooms, they all had issues. I finally settled on the one with masses of waterlogged toilet paper covering the seat. I brushed it off into the bowl and tried to flush the toilet (which was fortunately free of unpleasant matter as far as I could see). When I started to flush, it began to spew water all over**, on the walls and--more importantly--on me. It was a spectacular geyser made up of both larger solid streams and fine spray, and it got all over my face and even in my mouth, which I suppose was opened in astonishment and alarm. Of course my thoughts immediately turned to e. coli.

This awakened the sympathy of my two friends, who, it became obvious, didn't remember me at all. They said, "aw, what a bad start to your freshman year!" I was taken aback, realizing that they had mistaken me for someone a good 15 years or so younger. On one hand, it filled me with glee that I (apparently) looked young; on the other hand, I felt like an impostor due for a fair dose of embarrassment when they would inevitably realize that I was not, indeed, an 18-year-old and that I hadn't corrected them. My feeling of fraud increased when they very kindly offered to show me around (it also didn't help that we would be exchanging the relative obscurity of the restroom for the less forgiving sunlight outside).

*Really, WHY do i so frequently dream that I'm moving into or living in a dorm?
**I'm sure this was prompted by my intense hate of those odious auto-flush toilets that start to flush with excessive force right as you're sitting down, spraying your backside with a fine mist of water containing microorganisms I'd rather not think about.

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