Tuesday, October 23, 2007

alternate reality

i had one of those dreams where you suddenly realize/remember that your life is completely different than what you've thought...

last night it was me suddenly "remembering" that my little brother was not my brother but, in fact, my son. that i had given birth to him when i was 13 years old and my parents raised him as my brother. weird, yes? and so as i "remembered" this fact, everything came rushing back like memories of how shocked i was to find out that i was pregnant at 13 - because i was quite sure i had not been involved in any baby making activities. and then i felt disappointment in myself because i never wanted to upset my parents and have a child at such a young age and i then thought about how what everyone knew about me (including what i thought about myself) was actually a lie.

so strange.

the dream then morphed into me sitting at the kitchen table with my mom and grandmother and they were reminiscing about when my mom realized she was pregnant with me (my mom really did have me as a teenager) and then my mom got angry with my grandmother because my grandmother was telling stories about how "wild" my mom was and my mom didn't want me to hear those stories. and so my mom retaliated by telling me that my grandmother was on drugs. and then it was my grandmother's turn to get mad.

and the dream ended with me laughing at them and saying "i feel like such a saint compared to you two".

and i literally woke up laughing out loud.

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